Kindness

The Missing Need in the Hierarchy

Listening when it would be easier to talk. Pausing when it would be faster to decide. Noticing a shift in someone’s tone and thinking, Let me check in, instead of, Let me move on.

Kindness is not just about being nice. It is about being open. Open to learning and unlearning. To hearing it all, especially when it is uncomfortable. To revising the words we have carried on our shoulders for too long about what is possible, what is allowed, what is enough, and what is right.

Hey, I love words as much as the next author. But sometimes, I put those words together in a way that was unkind... to me. You suck. You need to be more like this. You will never be that. And I believed it. I mean, why would I not? It was me telling me. Why would I lie?

But oh, the unkindness. Oh, the fictitious tale I wove. And my editing mind would respond in kind. No pun intended. Oh, right, right, right. I will be like that person. I will push down every urge I have to smile and instead, show up stronger, tougher, edgier.

Then I started to wise up to this character that did not belong in the story to begin with. And I turned fifty. I finally came to my senses. Well, that was a silly little story. Let me update the manuscript. Let me create the revised 2020-something edition and be more me.

And still, I fight that inner critic who insists on publishing chapters backed by fear and self-doubt. I stand up and stretch. I take stock. Oh and I laugh once in a freaking while. I smile at someone, and I watch them smile back. Wow. What a rush.

Kindness invites a new voice to the conversation. Well whaddaya know. Look who showed up. Welcome. Glad you are here. Steadier. More human. And when a leader leads from that place, when a mother parents from that place, when a human chooses to live from that place, it is felt. People rise. They open up. They try. They trust. They smile. They laugh.

Kindness is also about ownership. It means recognizing the moments when something you did, on purpose or by accident, caused harm or confusion. It is apologizing when you step into someone’s path, raise your voice in frustration, or make someone feel small even if you did not mean to. It is realizing that the tone of voice you use matters. That it can hurt or heal. Close someone down or invite them in.

No, I am not perfect. Are you? No? Glad we are now on the same page.

Sometimes I even say Excuse me when someone else bumps into me. Not because I am insecure. Not because I think I am always in the way. But because there is a small chance that maybe, just maybe, I was in the wrong spot. Or moving too fast to notice them. And I want to make space. I want to signal something bigger than just manners. I want them to feel seen. I got you. I just did the same thing to that lady over there. We rush in a million directions and sometimes we think we are the only ones in the grocery store.

Kindness is not weakness. And it should not be fake. It is thoughtful. Respectful. Self-aware. It is the quiet unselfishness of thinking about who in your life might be feeling low, disheartened, or discouraged and checking in anyway, even when you do not have the right words. It is remembering that someone else might want to be heard too.

As we swirl through our days, meetings, errands, deep conversations, quiet spirals, bursts of joy, waves of doubt, the people around us are managing and navigating their own tangles too. Fifteen seconds to check in with today’s tech is thoughtful. Generous. Kind.

Kindness is the decision to stay open to more than just your version of the story. To allow room for someone else’s truth, even when it does not match your own. To care enough to listen longer, soften your tone, and respond with just a little more grace.

So, go ahead. Lead. Parent. Move. Shop. Drive. Live. With strength and vision. But please, do not forget kindness. Please do not forget to smile. Because someone’s entire story might shift when they are given grace, space, pace, a new combination of words that make them feel thought of, and finally given a reason to believe in the manuscript still being written.